Hello Friends,
So this may not be the most cliche thing you read today but it very well could be the winner of that title. Today is graduation at the college I am attending and I am a senior, however today is not my graduation day. Sadly at my school if you decide you want to educate the youth of America you have to go an extra semester to student teach and do not pass go and do not collect your diploma until after student teaching is acquired. Before I go any further with the pity party that I am having at this very moment, because I actually completed my Psychology program on time with honors and still don't get to walk, I want to say congratulations to my fellow classmates that came in with me 4 years ago. I love you guys to the moon and back, you're beautiful driven people and I am so proud of you. I know you all had some long hard nights, trying days and we have wanted to quit multiple times but we have not we kept going and persevering through it all and you finally made it. I wish you all the best in your future plans and I know you will all do great because I have watched you all develop into the people you've become.
Part two of my pity party comes from the fact that everyone is leaving and going back home that I love. It started with my boyfriend 4 days ago, one of my housemates last night, a large group of my friends and housemates tomorrow and then all that will be left is me. I don't do well by myself it hurts me to the core of my being. I know I am not alone but it feels like I am trapped in a never ending sea of hurt and darkness that I cannot escape. Mom my loneliness has gotten worse since you died, I know that this is a weird place to put this sentence because I was not talking to her but I needed to write it. I know that you don't want me to feel alone and that you are with me always but I do feel it and it is paralyzing to me. It is hard for me to love people deeply because I lost you. It is not fair to say that but it is how I feel. The reason it is hard is because I don't think I can handle loosing another person I love. It leaves a nasty, jagged, gaping hole. Removing wholeness from my life.
Part three says there is hope because apparently my boyfriend actually wants to keep in contact with me this summer, my best friends are there when I call them always and say they will not leave me ever and I still have my brother and my dad. So family is important, love is important, achieving goals is important. This is how we keep improving ourselves and the world one step at a time.
Thanks for reading friends, sorry this one was kinda depressing.
Until we talk again.
