Under Construction

Hello friends,

Summer months are officially here WOOO, thus comes what most people my age like to call summer break. Summer break is when you're done with all your spring classes, you move back home( if you are living with your parents and are away at college), maybe go on a trip or two, and enjoy the summer months with family and friends. Sounds nice right?, well my summer break looks like the fun house mirror version of that. It contains all those elements but it's warped into a version of its self that is less than appealing. I did finish most of my spring classes but I am not done with one of them. I graciously got an extension on the longest most anxiety driven  project of my life. This has to be completed in the next two weeks as well as me preparing for a test. I have trouble working from home which is somewhat of an issue even though technically I'm not at home.

I am kinda at "home" for the summer but not really because actually I'm staying at my grandma's house. I love my grandma she is awesome, but I wanted time in my own room and that's pretty difficult when there is a wall ripped out of it. My dad decided to remodel the bathroom, which is connected to my bedroom, so when it's wall had to come down so did mine. Which is fine I can deal with some construction, even if it means being uprooted for a while. Plus I also didn't realize the emotional impact moving back home would have on me, which I am currently working through. I did get to go on an amazing trip with my brother to visit family in Louisiana. It was truly a fantastic time and I loved seeing my family but with my looming deadline for my class hanging over my head approached I felt guilty being on vacation. Plus riding on a plane with my brother as not exactly fun. I also have gotten to see some go my friends sometimes but trying to coordinate times to see them is like doing a high wire trapeze juggling act. I also really miss my boyfriend who lives over 200 miles away from me, and has the most ridiculous summer schedule I've ever seen.

This summer by far has not given me a break but I have had a lot of memorable experiences and learned a lot, so I guess more than my house is under construction this summer. Some of the lessons include, kindness is most important when you feel like not being kind, diligence is important even if you are not in the most work inducing environments, when you miss someone who is far away when you get to see them again their hugs are warmer and kisses are sweeter, and you have to work for the things most important to you. Hope you guys are having a great break.

Until Next Time

The most Cliche thing you will read today.

Hello Friends,



 So this may not be the most cliche thing you read today but it very well could be the winner of that title. Today is graduation at the college I am attending and I am a senior, however today is not my graduation day. Sadly at my school if you decide you want to educate the youth of America you have to go an extra semester to student teach and do not pass go and do not collect your diploma until after student teaching is acquired. Before I go any further with the pity party that I am having at this very moment, because I actually completed my Psychology program on time with honors and still don't get to walk, I want to say  congratulations to my fellow classmates that came in with me 4 years ago. I love you guys to the moon and back, you're beautiful driven people and I am so proud of you. I know you all had some long hard nights, trying days and we have wanted to quit multiple times but we have not we kept going and persevering through it all and you finally made it. I wish you all the best in your future plans and I know you will all do great because I have watched you all develop into the people you've become.

Part two of my pity party comes from the fact that everyone is leaving and going back home that I love. It started with my boyfriend 4 days ago, one of my housemates last night, a large group of my friends and housemates tomorrow and then all that will be left is me. I don't do well by myself it hurts me to the core of my being. I know I am not alone but it feels like I am trapped in a never ending sea of hurt and darkness that I cannot escape. Mom my loneliness has gotten worse since you died, I know that this is a weird place to put this sentence because I was not talking to her but I needed to write it. I know that you don't want me to feel alone and that you are with me always but I do feel it and it is paralyzing to me. It is hard for me to love people deeply because I lost you. It is not fair to say that but it is how I feel. The reason it is hard is because I don't think I can handle loosing another person I love. It leaves a nasty, jagged, gaping hole. Removing wholeness from my life.

Part three says there is hope because apparently my boyfriend actually wants to keep in contact with me this summer, my best friends are there when I call them always and say they will not leave me ever and I still have my brother and my dad. So family is important, love is important, achieving goals is important. This is how we keep improving ourselves and the world one step at a time.

Thanks for reading friends, sorry this one was kinda depressing.

Until we talk again.

Since last we spoke

Alot has happened between my September of 2014 and April 2015

Hello Friends, 

I hope you are doing splendiferously well, I am making it by on fumes right now so instead of doing my homework(due two days ago and due in the next two days) or you know,  my back log of work I have for my position, I thought I'd update you! First of all I have the best and most stressful job ever and that is being a resident assistant for my fine university. I both love it and hate it in the wierdest way it sort of completes me. I cut my hair short, like the shortest it has been since middle school, and it is asymmetrical like the rest of my life.  I am now not only pursuing a teaching licences for grades K-4 I am going for 5-8. Middle school is something I never thought I would want to teach but now I am getting certified for it. March of 2014 I lost my Grandfather and December of 2014 I lost my Mother. She just fell and hit her head and never came back to us. It has been really hard, like the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and it is just as hard every single day. I am graduating from this fine university in December after student teaching but will have my degree in Psychology by May. I now read The Walking Dead comic books, and have officially caught up. The main reason I am now one of those nerds, who actually enjoys comic books is because my boyfriend got me into them. Yes, I am finally in an adult relationship so adult in fact that we don't talk about it much on the internet.  I know what you are thinking, wait if you are in a relationship and it isn't Facebook official are you really in a relationship? The answer is very much so.  He is great and also very new and not the guy I was pining over the last time I wrote to you all. He does not have long curly hair but it is fine because when his chestnut colored hair grows out it is sort of wavy. So like I said a lot has happened and I have been wanting to write to you all for a while but I have also been in the worst slump of my life and buried in a tomb of homework. 

Now to the Reason I wanted to talk to you today.

What made me want to blog today is I saw a boy. Now like I said I am in a good relationship right now with a guy who makes me the happiest I can be right now. Anyways I saw a boy with the best hair ever and I also had a massive Deja Vu moment. I had seen this hair before, this hair had a special place in my heart, this hair was attached to the first boy to break my heart. In my memories at least, the boy who owned this version of the best hair ever, I had never met him before. He also took much better care of his voluptuous, chestnut spiraled mane than the owner of the hair that broke my heart. Seeing his beautiful spirals hit me where it hurts, that old emotional scar of not being good enough, skinny enough, smart enough, and  pretty enough busted open for a minute. It physically hurt when all of those emotions and lies flooded back, I didn't even realize he still held that power over me, and that those insecurities still lived in me. I have not felt that way since high school,  So I suppose my question is why? why did that  one image of gorgeous hair trigger all that negativity. Then I look back at my current life and how far I have come and the truths that I am beautiful, smart, powerful and alway good enough. That is all I needed to break the spell over me. To cauterize  that wound and hopefully keep it from reopening.  Can any of you relate with that horrible feeling of reopening an old emotional wound or just think that "Jew" fros are the cutest thing ever? If you do and feel led leave me a comment. 

Until Next We speak. :) 

Why must getting older also positively correlate with taking on more responsibilities

Hello Friends,

As a Psychology major correlations are something I am used to. Taught at the ripe young age of 18 that if something is positively correlating than that means the relationship is strong and growing larger. I am finding that this correlation is not always in my favor or positive. For example losing track of time positively correlates with turning in your homework late, not talking to your mom every day positively correlates with the possibility of her worrying, getting a job positively correlates with growing older which correlates with gaining responsibility. Not that getting a job is bad, actually it is a huge blessing. It is also a huge eye opener that I have one more year of college before I have to drop the title of student and take on the title of "responsible adult". No more blaming things on my homework, getting discounts at the muni, late night pool at the student center, or trying to figure out how to best buy my textbooks to get the maximum amount  of saved refund money.

This realizations honestly terrifies me to the point of not wanting to graduate at all. I have spent so much time thinking I had time left that I forgot I needed to enjoy life. Right now I am starting to fall into the web of worries about my future but I am stopping that right now. Instead of worrying about grown up Abby I am going to worry about current Abby. I am going to focus on how I can live the most of my life now instead of trying to figure out what to do with it after I get that glossy bold print piece of paper that says I am now certified to hold a career that takes higher level thinking. Right now is time to be a student, to build up those relationships with people I hold dear and to love my campus because in 8 months from now when all my friends are preparing to leave and I am preparing to student teach, I want to remember that I lived my senior year to the fullest and without any regrets.

Hope you all are doing fabulous !!!

The Omnivores Guide to Not Eating Meat

Hello Internet Friend's,

    So Easter is almost here and for some Christians that means lint is almost over and the Resurrection is upon us once again! (not just catholic's there are other Christians who do lent just maybe not as hardcore) 

I am telling you this not just because I am excited for Easter, which I totally am, but to inform you on why I have gone a little over a month completely meatless. First and foremost, I want to let you know that I love meat, especially chicken you can do a lot with it and it tastes really good!! It also helps you get essential nutrients that your body needs to be healthy, and it isn't evil or bad to eat meat. I know that some of my vegan, vegetarian, or pescatarian friends may disagree, but according to the new testament of the Bible, Romans if you want some reference, I am all good. As long as the animals are treated humanely, I don't have any issues with eating a cheese burger every once in a while. 

 

       Now to the reason I gave up meat for lint, I felt like it controlled my life and I needed a break. I wasn't depending on God or even thinking about him nearly as much as I was thinking about what and where my next meal was coming from. Plus, I got a friendly gentle push in the way of becoming meatless from one of my good friends who is a vegan. So I said I would give it a try and it actually isn't that bad. 

      

     I expanded my cooking skills and am actually watching the food I am putting into my body instead of settling for the dollar frozen dinner in my freezer. I feel a bit healthier and less weighed down after I eat. So I challenge all of my other omnivores out there to try going meatless for a day or two. This doesn't mean just eat Mac and Cheese all day, but add fresh veggies fruits and beans. Try quinoa, a grain that is high in good fats, or eat some black bean and roasted corn quesadillas with some pico de gallo. Food like this makes, at least me feel energized and ready to conquer my day. 

I don't know if I would become meatless as a permanent lifestyle choice but I am a lot more open to trying it every once in a while. Have you ever gone meatless or want to try it? I would love to hear from you !! 

Until Next Time !  

The 1980's called and they want you to turn the volume down on your hair.

Hey Internet Friends!

I hope you all are having lovely days! I recently decided my life was far to boring for my liking so I was going to shake it up a bit and get my haircut, specifically get bangs cut into my hair. This wouldn't be to much of a big deal for most girls, I however don't have hair like most girls do. My locks are composed of arbitrarily placed coils of thick, dark and auburn brown hair. My mane of curls is so voluptuous I am generally terrified of humidity and hairbrushes when my hair is not saturated completely with an aqueous substance. It also has a mind of its own most of the time, and I don't question it's quite questionable mood swings. It only makes it upset and when it gets upset it grows into a knotted tangled mass of friz and sadness. 

Anyways with the decision I made about bangs, I didn't realize that I would have multiple banana curls trying to fight their way past my glasses into my eyeballs, or morph into a unicorn horn every morning when I wake up. Even with all of these minor set backs to my daily routine of trying to get them styled correctly and look like they are supposed to be their I still love them. I also love my naturally curly, crazy, wonderful hair. It sets me apart form everyone else and is part of who I am. So if you feel you need to shake it up or need a change go for it! Sure it may take a little while to get used to or it may turn into a great story later. 

I am always looking for new ways to do thing with my hair, so if any of you have any tips or tricks to dealing with curly hair or side bangs please feel free to share. I am also really stoked when I find new products to try for it. So comment below with any tips and tricks or if you have any crazy hair stories I would also love to hear about them as well. 

Until Next Time. 

Alliterations make me well with pride and other general information.

Hello to all of you in the blogosphere,

As you can tell this is my first posting and I don't really do things like this often. Except when I tumble my feelings, things get real on my Tumblr feed after a hard day.  What I mean by not doing this often is, express what I am thinking, feeling and living on the Internet to complete strangers. Well some of you may not be complete strangers, and eventually if you keep reading hopefully we can become good friends. All of my best friends and closest confidants started as complete strangers. Anyways, as you can probably see my grammar is very deficient, so I am apologizing now to those of you who feel the need to read pieces that are proofread and generally follow rules of rhetoric. I'll try but my life isn't proofread so my thoughts on a page probably won't be proofread very well either. I would like to say I have my life all together and I know what my future holds but I have no clue. You would think after 20 years on this earth I would have figured something out, but once I grab a hold of one concept about ten more questions pop up and the whole situation changes. Leaving me more confused than when I started, but I enjoy the challenge.

I am currently enrolled in a university and have been for the past three years. I love it here but also sometimes wish I would have taken a slightly different path. Although mine is the runt of the litter compared to my sister schools, it is the biggest place I have ever lived consistently. I grew up in a village. Like a literal village, our population is under 3,000 people and finding us on a map is next to impossible if you don't know where to look. I loved growing up in my little village more than anyone will ever know. I like the idea of a group of people, although small and somewhat diverse personality wise, doing life together and knowing each other deeply. I can't say I was best friends, or even good friends with the 22 people who I went from preschool to  graduation with, but I can say I know them. I can also say that I truly care about every one of them. Maybe not their life decisions or path they're on, but when you know people that intimately you can't help to care about them. At least I can't I have heard myself described as having an extra empathy gene. I hope someday to have a husband and children who get the same experience I had growing up in a small, tightly packed group of people. I am not saying my life has been all rainbows and butterflies. It has been everything but for the most part, and I am sure you guys, my new friends and confidantes, will figure that out as you follow me on this journey of self rediscovery.

Like I said earlier, I am empathetic almost to a fault but I don't like thinking of it that way. I have a unquenchable need for affection both in the giving and receiving end and I feel/fall hard. I feel very hard for other people whether it be sorrow or elation others moods tend to take a toll on me. I also fall very hard which is a nasty habit I need to reign in, especially because the men I fall for are normally pretty emotionally unavailable when it comes to romantic relationships. With having said that I have never been in a committed grown up relationship nor have I ever been in love. I think that is alright though, for right now at least.

Here are some other random tidbits about who I am so you have a better background on what you're getting yourself into. I love anything that has to do with the UK, especially their television shows. I am a big fan of all things music and have the most eclectic music taste ranging from Cloudkicker to Taylor Swift and everything in between. I would love to learn how to play an instrument or two, something like a guitar then something totally cool like a melodica. My free time is almost nonexistent because I like to be over involved and I am normally under qualified but everything always works out. In that free time I do have I like to be doing anything that lets me be be creative things like drawing, singing, acting, nail art, dancing (not well but it's fun), writing, cooking, knitting and the list goes on. I also really love being around people, I am no where close to cool or well spoken but just learning about them and how they live is my favorite part about meeting new friends. I am a Christian and believe in Jesus he is the main reason I can get though life without totally destroying myself or others. Just because I am a christian doesn't keep me from loving or accepting anyone who has different beliefs than I do. It actually makes it easier to love everyone but it also doesn't mean I am a push over and I am afraid to admit that I love Jesus.I hope if you have different beliefs we can still be friends, because I am sure you are an awesome person. I have AD/HD which has never and will never hold me back from what I want to accomplish, but it does make life interesting when I need to focus or stay on a topic sometimes. I love animals so much, and own two cats who are my world but I would also like to have a dog one day. Puns make me extremely happy, and idioms are also pretty cool. I like words and language in general. A perfect afternoon would consist of an iced Chai tea latte, an amazing novel (probably YA, Dystopian or anything by John Green/Marissa Marissa Meyer), and a bay window I could sit in to watch the vibrant illumination of the day transition slowly into the serene glow of a night sky full of countless stars and the fullest moon I have ever laid eyes on. I could also trade the bay window for a tree if the weather was nice.

I will end this massive blog post here in fear that it is far to long. I would promise that they will be shorter next time but I only make promises I am sure I can keep. I will say, however, I am going to try to keep it shorter the next time I post. I hope you guys enjoy this journey and would love to hear some feedback if you're reading.

Until Next Time...