Since last we spoke

Alot has happened between my September of 2014 and April 2015

Hello Friends, 

I hope you are doing splendiferously well, I am making it by on fumes right now so instead of doing my homework(due two days ago and due in the next two days) or you know,  my back log of work I have for my position, I thought I'd update you! First of all I have the best and most stressful job ever and that is being a resident assistant for my fine university. I both love it and hate it in the wierdest way it sort of completes me. I cut my hair short, like the shortest it has been since middle school, and it is asymmetrical like the rest of my life.  I am now not only pursuing a teaching licences for grades K-4 I am going for 5-8. Middle school is something I never thought I would want to teach but now I am getting certified for it. March of 2014 I lost my Grandfather and December of 2014 I lost my Mother. She just fell and hit her head and never came back to us. It has been really hard, like the hardest thing I have ever had to endure and it is just as hard every single day. I am graduating from this fine university in December after student teaching but will have my degree in Psychology by May. I now read The Walking Dead comic books, and have officially caught up. The main reason I am now one of those nerds, who actually enjoys comic books is because my boyfriend got me into them. Yes, I am finally in an adult relationship so adult in fact that we don't talk about it much on the internet.  I know what you are thinking, wait if you are in a relationship and it isn't Facebook official are you really in a relationship? The answer is very much so.  He is great and also very new and not the guy I was pining over the last time I wrote to you all. He does not have long curly hair but it is fine because when his chestnut colored hair grows out it is sort of wavy. So like I said a lot has happened and I have been wanting to write to you all for a while but I have also been in the worst slump of my life and buried in a tomb of homework. 

Now to the Reason I wanted to talk to you today.

What made me want to blog today is I saw a boy. Now like I said I am in a good relationship right now with a guy who makes me the happiest I can be right now. Anyways I saw a boy with the best hair ever and I also had a massive Deja Vu moment. I had seen this hair before, this hair had a special place in my heart, this hair was attached to the first boy to break my heart. In my memories at least, the boy who owned this version of the best hair ever, I had never met him before. He also took much better care of his voluptuous, chestnut spiraled mane than the owner of the hair that broke my heart. Seeing his beautiful spirals hit me where it hurts, that old emotional scar of not being good enough, skinny enough, smart enough, and  pretty enough busted open for a minute. It physically hurt when all of those emotions and lies flooded back, I didn't even realize he still held that power over me, and that those insecurities still lived in me. I have not felt that way since high school,  So I suppose my question is why? why did that  one image of gorgeous hair trigger all that negativity. Then I look back at my current life and how far I have come and the truths that I am beautiful, smart, powerful and alway good enough. That is all I needed to break the spell over me. To cauterize  that wound and hopefully keep it from reopening.  Can any of you relate with that horrible feeling of reopening an old emotional wound or just think that "Jew" fros are the cutest thing ever? If you do and feel led leave me a comment. 

Until Next We speak. :)